


Good Night's Sleep

by onlylogical (MissGreenPointyEaredLover)



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 01:57:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/960231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissGreenPointyEaredLover/pseuds/onlylogical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock helps Jim with Spock Prime's memories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Night's Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Crangst and slight PWP; I just kinda starting writing and this came out of the jumble. 
> 
> Please note that there is no detailed sex involved in this fic. There is one make out scene and another implied, but no hardcore banging. 
> 
> It took me a while to make this out into what it is now, but I promised I'd do it and here it is! (also, it was super fun to write, so.)
> 
> Enjoy!

Oh _hell_ no.

Jim grabbed Spock’s body and hauled it up with effort.

_You are not leaving me._

Green was everywhere; on his hands, on his tunic, smudged on his face with sweat and grime.

“ _Scotty_!” He all but screamed hysterically into the communicator. “Two to beam up! _Now_!”

In an instant he felt his atoms breaking apart, and in the next stood on the teleport pad.

“God damnit, Jim. What the hell happened?”

“Not now, Bones. Just help him.”

Spock’s weight was shifted off of him and Spock was rushed to the sickbay, Bones hurried after Spock’s unconscious body, the orders McCoy shouted to the nurses echoing through the halls.

Now that Jim was certain his first was receiving the best medical care possible, his adrenaline leveled out, his knees buckled, and the last thing he remembered was the floor of the transporter room coming fast.

***

When he awoke, he distinctly heard Bones’ familiar southern drawl relentlessly muttering about saving his and his first officer’s intelligently impaired posteriors.

“Bones?” He tried to speak, his voice rough and his throat sore.

“Jim!” He could hear the relief in just that word, and he attempted to smile reassuringly, though he was sure his face didn’t agree with that movement. “Damnit man, have you ever heard of this thing called _sleep_!? You passed out because of pure exhaustion! Good thing, too, or _I_ would have sedated your ass!”

The memories flooded back to him: green blood everywhere, Spock’s unconscious body, the floor coming into contact with his face. Immediately, he sat upright, eyes flung open in panic.

“Woah, Jim.” McCoy rested a firm hand on his shoulder.

“Spock, Bones. Where’s Spock?”  His voice was laced in panic and his head swam, but he didn’t care. Nothing else mattered.

“He’s fine, Jim.  He’s awake and everything.”

Relief rushed through him like a cool stream.

“I have to see him.” He wiggled out of McCoy’s grasp and threw his legs over the bio-be, wincing a bit at the stiffness in his limbs. The doctor grumbled, but allowed him to get up. McCoy threw a thumb to the door that lead to one of the private rooms.

“Thanks Bones, you’re the best.” Jim fixed a quick smile at his friend, and was gone in the next second, half jogging and half limping to the door that concealed his half-Vulcan.

His busted through it without knocking, but he instantly regretted that move, even more than that, made him wish he never thought about entering the room.

Uhura and Spock were conversing in Spock’s native tongue, her face was flushed, and the place where tears had earlier fallen was obvious. She smiled at Spock and said something Jim didn’t understand.

Their hands were intertwined. 

“Jim!” Uhura gasped as she jerked her hands away, her face turning color in embarrassment.

“I-I’m sorry.” Jim stuttered, still in shock at the scene that was laid out in front of him. “I’ll just be going now.” He heard his own voice, it sounded weak and unsteady.

“Cap-” Spock began, but Jim was out of the door and shutting it before he could finish.

Silently, he left the sickbay, walked through the corridors, and was in his quarters.  He allowed himself to slump on his bed, a mixture of unpleasant emotions rolling through his body. His heart ached in a way that he wished was nonexistent.  

There was a tentative buzz that he ignored. It sounded again, and Bones’ voice called through the door. “C’mon Jim, let me in.” Jim didn’t want to, but he did anyways, telling he computer to allow his best friend access.

He heard the door open, and McCoy walking towards him, but he didn’t remove his graze from the ceiling, even as Bones seated himself on the side of the bed.

 “I’m sorry, Jim..if-if I knew she was in there…” He trailed off.

“It’s not your fault. How could you have known?” His own voice was hoarse, and when he took a deep breath it became a sob instead. Instantly, he was cocooned in a hug. McCoy held him until he drifted into a fitful sleep. He laid Jim down until he looked comfortable, took off his boots, and sighed. He had never seen Jim like this with anybody else, and it hurt him more than he would ever admit to see his friend this heartbroken. 

“Computer, lights off.” It went dark and McCoy left silently.

***

Kirk woke gasping for breath and sweating profusely.

He groaned as he sat up, his bones objecting to the movement. He knew it hadn’t been long since he entered his room. Sighing, he rubbed his face. When that didn’t do much good but spread stickiness around, he stood, stripped of his clothing, made his way in darkness to the bathroom, and settled into a very hot shower.

He hung his head and allowed the water to roll down his body. It was refreshing, comforting, but as soon as he stepped out into the steam filled room, looking at the door that lead into Spock’s room, it faded instantly.

Jim wanted to kick himself. Jesus. How did he even manage for his first to have such a control over him? It wasn’t like he ever made a claim on Spock, he thought, tugging on a pair of loose jogging pants. Then again, he really didn’t have the chance. Spock and Uhura had been going out, since, when? Forever?

He flopped down on his bed, snuggling into the pillow, and sighed heavily. He was not a rejected thirteen year old girl. Hell, you couldn’t be rejected if you had never made a move.

His comm chimed impatiently. He groaned, but reached for it on his nightstand nonetheless. A message from Bones informed him that he was on sick leave for a three days. He suppressed to urge to groan once again. Great; he’d be stuck doing nothing to preoccupy his thoughts for three days? Wasn’t that marvelous?

He threw the comm back on the stand and silently cursed the universe. Well, there was a whole stack of paperwork he could do …or he could eat lunch and go back to sleep. Yep, he decided, suddenly starving, and got up to replicate a simple sandwich and a glass of water.

When he finished, he eyed the large stack of PADDS on his desk, then did a very heart felt belly flop onto his bed, snuggling once again into his pillow. A restless sleep almost came immediately.

_“I have been, and always shall be, your friend.” Spock told him through the glass, his voice sickly hoarse and his skin a pale green. Slowly he lifted his hand, easily molding it into his Vulcan salute. His farewell. His final goodbye._

_Jim found himself lifting his own hand to mimic, a silent approval for him to go, to finally be at peace. Dark brown eyes locked on his for only a moment, the last time he would ever see the devotion, loyalty, adoration that they held. Slowly, Spock’s eyes closed and his hand slid down the glass. This was it. The end._

_His First._

_His Spock._

_Was gone._

“Captain!” Strong hands gripped Jim by the shoulder and shook lightly. “Jim! You are safe. You are on the _Enterprise_ , the vessel that you command.”

Jim sat up immediately, peered around him, breath coming in short pants, sweat rolling down his face. The hands that still held onto his shoulders gentled slightly, but did not release their grip.

“Spock?” Jim asked in nothing more than a gasp of breath. It couldn’t be. Spock was gone. Spock was dead. The hands fell silently to return to their owner that stood beside Kirk’s bed.

“Yes. I was in my quarters. You-” Spock didn’t get to finish, however, before the Captain’s arms snaked around Spock’s torso, Jim’s hands balling into the fabric of his shirt, and his face burrowing into Spock’s stomach. Instantly, it was as if Jim had latched onto a statue.

“ _Spock_.” Jim breathed again, muffled by the fact that his face was still buried into Spock’s abdomen. He was distantly aware of how uncomfortable this probably was for Spock, but couldn’t find himself to care. He needed this; needed Spock. Spock was standing in front of him, he could see him, smell him, and feel him. Spock was _alive_. Jim spent several moments listening intently to Spock’s heartbeat fluttering, and breathing in his very much alive sent, before he released his First. In a second, Spock was out of his reaching capability.

Jim chuckled without humor. “I-I’m sorry, Spock….for this. And for waking you.”  Relief was evident in his tone.

He stared at the man, dimly noting that Spock must’ve turned on the lights.  

Spock was out of his science blues, only in his undershirt and black regulation slacks. And Jim was-Jim was still in his jogging pants and nothing else. Spock had been touching him during his nightmare.

_His bare skin._

Spock could’ve seen his nightmare-could’ve known. But, no..Spock-he wouldn’t do that, he respects other people’s privacy way too much for that..right?

Jim raised his gaze to Spock’s after a moment, but he found no indication whatsoever that Spock had seen his nightmare.

“Jim-”

“No, Spock. I-I just need to be alone right now.” Jim half-lied. If it was anybody else in the world, he would’ve wanted to be alone, but this was Spock.

“Captain-“ Spock tried again.

“ _Commander_.” Jim hissed, suddenly angry at the man who stood before him. Why couldn’t he see that Jim was in love with him? Why couldn’t he just leave Jim alone, because when Spock was involved, he was hopeless, helpless, couldn’t think straight, and would probably give the entire damn universe to Spock if he wanted it? Why couldn’t he see? “Dismissed.”

Spock hesitated a moment, stiff.

“No.”

Jim’s blood boiled. “Excuse me? _No_? Do I have to remind you who is in _charge_ here, _Commander_ Spock?” By this point Kirk was off the bed and almost a foot away from Spock, purposely in his personal space.

“No, _Captain_ , I do not require clarification.” Spock spoke evenly, calm. It was a striking difference between Jim’s rage that was so obvious he might blow up in any second, his jaw clenched, fist in balls by his side, face an unhealthy shade of red.

Jim looked him dead in the eyes for several seconds, and then abruptly deflated. He sat back on the edge of his bed, as if his legs couldn’t support him anymore, and all but curled in on himself, elbows resting on his knees, face in hands.

“What do you _want_ , Spock?” His voice was barely audible, desperate, pleading, _raw_.

Spock hesitated so long that Jim would have thought he had fled the room if it wasn’t for his shallow intake of breath every now and then.

Finally, Spock spoke. “A game of chess.”

Kirk laughed without mirth. “A game of chess, Spock? A game of chess? Do you even know what time it is?” He asked incredulously, and then remembered that that was obviously a stupid question, of course Spock knew the time.

“0230. Yes, a game of chess. Just one, then, if you wish, I will leave you to rest.” Spock’s voice was monotone, but had an undercurrent Jim couldn’t pick up.

Kirk sighed, face still in his palms. He really didn’t want to fight Spock on this, or at the moment, on _anything._ One game. How bad could one game be? He sighed again.

“Fine, Spock. One game.” He finally met Spock’s gaze. “Just let me…” He motioned to the bathroom, and Spock nodded, walking towards the table they usually used for their chess games.  Kirk went to rummage for an oversized worn out t-shirt and then headed towards the bathroom, pulling it over his head.

Jim relieved himself, washed his hands and his face, and then took a very, very long look in the mirror. A young man stared back at him, blue eyes bright that contrasted highly with the dark bags that formed under his eyes, his cheeks appeared to be slightly sunken in, and his hair was ridiculous. He groaned, didn’t even bother with the only thing he could fix, and walked back into his room.

Spock had already sat up the chess set and was in his seat. Jim replicated a glass of water, drunk half of it, and sat opposite Spock in his usual chair. They played in silence, both moving slowly, but not really concentrating on the game.

Finally, Jim broke the steady stream of no conversation.

“Tell me, Spock, what the hell possessed you to feel the need to play chess this early in the morning?” Jim didn’t look at his companion, instead studied the board between them.

“As you already know, Captain, Vulcan’s need less sleep than human’s require. Doctor McCoy cleared me from sickbay, but insisted that I take at least two more days on leave.”

Jim thought about that for a moment. “Very well, Spock, but you didn’t answer my question.”

“I inferred it was customary to stay with one you considered a friend if they were dealing with emotional difficulties. I apologize if I am at mistaken.” Spock admitted after successfully taking Jim’s pawn.

“And what makes you think I am having ‘emotional difficulties’?” He couldn’t deny the fact that Spock’s presence had a very calming affect over him, and also yes, _maybe_ , he was having _some_ emotional problems. However, it wasn’t as if that was his fault. It was Spock’s. Elder Spock’s. And Jim was damn well not telling his Spock that.

 “Jim, I am a touch telepath.” His tone implied he was speaking to a very small child. “Therefore, while I was touching you, I could, in fact, pick up some of your emotions.”

“Oh.” Jim was silent for a moment. “C-could you pick up anything else?”

Spock raised an adorable eyebrow at that. “No.”

Jim let out a long breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Oh.” Was all he said, and the game continued in silence. Kirk noticed, occasionally, Spock would glance at him, almost concerned, almost curious.

The game ended. Spock, as expected, won.

Which was just as well, Kirk knew he could win when his head was in the game, but tonight wasn’t one of those nights. Although he couldn’t deny that he felt much, much better.

“Well,” Jim said after it was over, getting up from his chair and stretching. “There you go, Spock. One game.”

“Very well. I will leave you to rest.” Spock rose swiftly from his own chair and headed towards their shared bathroom, stopping just in front of the door and turning to face his captain. “Jim, if I may in-”

“C’mon Spock.” Jim interrupted easily, grinning. “We’ve been on this ship for more or less a year, three months of which we’ve actually been fairly friendly. You don’t have to ask to ask a question.”

“Very well.” Spock repeated. Then hesitated, which made Kirk extremely uncomfortable. Of course, the fact that Spock was going to- no doubt- ask about his dream was even more unnerving. So, it came as a complete and utter surprise when Spock simply asked: “Are your psi-ratings within normal range for a human’s?”

Jim found himself sputtering in surprise for a minute before answering. “Uhm...they are a little above average, but not enough to make a real difference.” Then he found himself looking at the commander curiously and maybe a bit apprehensively. “Why do you ask?”

Spock seemed to tense, clasping his hands behind in his usual stance. “While you were resting...” He hesitated, apparently picking out his words carefully. “You..called out to me telepathically.”

Kirk took a moment to smack his gaping mouth closed. “I..called to you with my brain?”

“Yes.”

Well. Okay. “How?”

Spock graced him with an exasperated look. “I do not know. That is why I am asking. The only ways I can access your thoughts are if I let my shields down, or if we are bonded. However, I did not access your thoughts, _you_ accessed _mine_.”

Jim was still attempting to wrap his brain around this. He..called out to Spock.

Wait. No.

 His _brain_ called out to Spock while he was asleep..because..why? He thought Spock was dead? It caused him so much alarm that he mentally reached out for Spock. His psi-null brain mentally..reaching? For Spock? Because it thought he was dead?

What?

“I..” Jim paused for a second, looking over Spock. Then he did that awesome thing where he spoke without thinking first. “Wait. Spock. What if….you and I melded while you were emotionally compromised? Would it be possible that you accidentally bonded us, and neither of us knew it, until, of course, one of our brains had reason to make sure that the other person was still there?”

Jim looked expectantly at Spock, whose eyebrows has climbed damn near close to his hairline, and then actually thought about what he just said.

 Oh.

 “If you and I had actually engaged in a meld,” Spock said, after a moment. “And I was, in fact emotionally compromised, I am surprised that you or I did not sustain worse damage. Melding while ones emotions are not secure is highly dangerous.” He fixed Jim with a smoldering look. “However, I cannot seem to remember a time where we participated in a meld, and my memory is, I assure you, excellent.”

Jim looked sheepishly at his floor. “Well, not you, you. Other you. You know, alternate dimension you.”

With great force, he looked up at Spock, only to be met with the most surprised expression he had ever seen on the half-Vulcan’s face. He didn’t know whether to be laughing or panicking, so he settled on silence.

A second passed and Spock regained his composure, but Jim was sure he almost saw panic in those deep brown eyes as they looked at him with such intensity that he immediately had to squash down the impulse to fidget.  

“You shared a meld with my counterpart.” It was more of a statement than a question.

Jim answered the affirmative anyway.

“Why is that so surprising?” Jim muttered after all Spock did was the Vulcan equivalent of gape at him for a few seconds. He felt defensiveness and self-doubt immediately churn in his stomach. He began to pace. “Is it really that hard to believe that you’d want to be in my head? What’s so bad about it? I mean, I might not be the perfect person, but I’m not _that_ bad!” He didn’t dare look at Spock when he finally lapsed in silence. After a couple of moments of the only noise in the room being his feet rhythmically making the same pattern, a strong hand rested surprisingly gentle on his bicep. Jim looked up in surprise to see Spock standing calmly in front of him.

“Melding,” Spock let his hand fall back to his side and folded it behind him. “Is an extremely intimate act. I apologize; I did not mean to cause offense.”

Intimate? Jim opened his mouth.

Shut it again.

 Opened it for the second time.

 “Like, sex intimate?” He asked dumbly.

“Between bondmates, yes.”

This time Jim did the gaping as Spock spoke. “However, even if you and my counterpart had, indeed, partook in said meld,” Jim didn’t miss the look that was appeared too fast for him to pinpoint. “That does not explain as to why I was able to hear you calling me. You shared a meld with him; therefore, if it did cause an unintentional bond, it would be with him, not me.”  Jim could practically see the gears churning in Spock’s head as he thought about the situation. Jim, however, was tired. All he wanted was sleep; this issue could wait until morning.

“Spock. I need sleep; I am only human, after all. This problem..or whatever..will still be here when I wake up, so I’ll talk to you then?”

Spock visibly hesitated before nodding curtly. “Sleep well, Jim.” And then he was gone.

Jim, not being one to procrastinate on important matters, very nearly drowned in his pillows and blanket before drifting off to sleep.

***

“Bones!” Jim acknowledged the other man happily.

McCoy looked up, scowled, and then huffed. “What do you want, Jim? It’s way too damn early to be that happy.”

“Can’t a captain just come by to chat with his CMO in the morning?” He flashed a winning smile.

Bones rolled his eyes. “Not if he’s you.” Jim mock pouted. The doctor continued, “I’m not letting you on duty today, Jim. I don’t care what you say.”

“That’s not what I’m here for, Bones.” His voice was suddenly the incarnation of serious. “I need to talk to you.”

McCoy immediately adopted his doctor persona, assuming that someone was gashed open, or maybe his idiot friend needed his help disposing of a body. Jim closed the door to McCoy’s office they were both currently in, sat in the chair opposite his desk, and almost very nearly looked like the life had been kicked out of him.

“Jim. What’s goin’ on?”

Kirk flashed him a toothy grin that he didn’t feel at all. “You know your accent gets worse when you’re worried?”

“So I’ve been told. Seriously, kid. What’s wrong?” Concern was etched in Bones’ face.

Jim sighed, not really knowing how to begin. He shouldn’t be hesitating, not really. It wasn’t as if Bones didn’t know everything about him already. So, why is this so difficult to tell him? Jim supposed it was because it felt more personal. Like he was revealing something not only about himself, but about Spock too, without his permission. Then again, Bones _was_ , in fact, his doctor; as his doctor earning some sort of right to this kind of stuff.

“I might be seeing memories from alternate universe Spock.”

McCoy looked at him, and looked some more. Finally he spoke. “Start from the beginning.”

“Okay, well. When Spock, _my_ Spock,” McCoy didn’t say anything about that, but it was a near thing. “Abandoned me on Delta Vega, I found old Spock in the ice cave, as you know.” Bones nodded, skeptical of where this was heading. “Well, he decided that the best way to tell me what happened wasn’t to tell me, but to _show_ me. So we melded.”

McCoy had gone white. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me this?”

Jim ignored him. “Anyways, we melded and I think he transferred a lot of memories to me accidentally. But, it’s like, there’s this vault in my head, where I can’t access the memories, but I know they are there.” He paused, sighed, and then looked at his friend. “Bones, I see Spock die almost every night. I get snippets of other things too, other memories, but that one is the most dominate. I-I don’t know what to do.”

Bones stared at him for a very long time, presumably finding a response or looking for some way to fix the problem. “Jim,” He said cautiously. “How do you know that the memories are memories and not just something your brain has decided to torture you with?”

Jim ran a hand down his very tired face. “It’s not like that, Bones. In dreams, you can’t _feel_ like you do in memories. I can feel it all, see it all, and know what’s happening, because _Spock_ knew what was happening. I don’t know how to explain it, but I know they aren’t simply nightmares.”

“Well then,” McCoy said easily. “I think there are only two people who will be able to help you, Jim.”

Jim stared at Bones, waiting impatiently for an elaboration.

“The Spocks, obviously.”

***

Jim stood in front of Spock’s door. He shifted his weight for a second, not sure, exactly, what he was doing. He let out a frustrated breath, turned to leave, but the doors opened before he had the opportunity.

“Captain?” Spock asked.

He turned quickly to face the half-Vulcan. “Hey, Spock. We need to talk.” He ushered Spock back into his room and rushed in behind him.

 The door swished shut and whatever confidence he had left as Spock stood, expectant.

When he didn’t talk for several seconds, Spock did. “Captain-Jim-I am expected elsewhere at this tim-”

“I’m seeing Spock’s memories.” Jim said quickly, so fast it was almost unintelligible, but by the narrowing of Spock’s eyes and the flaring of his nostrils, it was obvious he had heard.

“Elaborate.”

Jim cringed away from the intense look Spock had leveled on him. “Actually, you said you were going somewhere, I’m sure this conversation can wai-”

“Jim. You will explain.”  Deadly monotone. That can’t be good.

Kirk immediately began to pace. “When we shared that meld on the Delta, he was emotionally compromised, like you said. I didn’t know what he was doing at first, but-”

“He did not ask your consent?” The monotone cracked.

Kirk paced faster. “No, but he knew I didn’t mind. I saw how he and his Jim used to do it all the time.”

“ _You are not his Jim.”_ Spock very nearly snarled the words.

Kirk stopped dead in his tracks to look at Spock. “So? I may not be his, but I didn’t mind and I still don’t.  No harm done. See? Here I am, perfectly alive.”

“I would hardly consider seeing residue from the meld as ‘no harm done’, Captain.” Spock’s skin was flushed slightly green, his eyes narrowed marginally, and his nostrils a bit flared; he was pissed.

“Yes, well, I’m not too keen on that part either, Spock. That’s why I came to you. What do I do?”

Spock simply stared at him for several seconds. “I am unsure.” He finally admitted.

Jim flung his hands up in frustration. “Well that’s just great.” He mumbled, more to himself than the other and began his earlier tracks.

After a full minute, Spock spoke again. “Jim, I may have an idea.”

Jim stopped and turned his attention back to the hybrid. “Perhaps I will be able to amend whatever memories were left behind.” Spoke paused. “Through a meld.” He clarified.

“No. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Jim, I do not believe there is a better option.”

“Yes there is. I can live with them. They aren’t that bad.” Jim lied.

“Why is it you let the other Spock into your mind and not myself?” Spock’s eyes were narrowed once again.

“It’s not like I had a choice!” Kirk defended. “Plus, it’s done enough damage to alter our future with only me knowing, I don’t think you should see them, too.”

“But if it has indeed already altered our existences, then it will be of no consequence.” Spock countered.

Kirk hesitated. “Spock…I just...there are some things that I won’t be able to forget after they are gone.” Blue locked with brown. “I don’t want….I don’t want you to see something like that.”

Spock softened a bit. “Jim, I assure you I will be able to block out what I do not wish to see.”

“I still don’t like it.” Jim said stubbornly.

“You do not have much of a choice.” Spock reminded.

Jim sighed. “I know.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Okay, let’s do it.” He re-focused on Spock’s face. “When?”

“Is tonight acceptable?”

Jim nodded.

***

Later that night Jim stood in front of Spock’s door once again. Sighing, he buzzed for entrance.

“Come.” The cool voice answered and Kirk complied.

He was almost knocked down by the immediate wave of incense that enveloped around him. Spock sat in a dark, thick robe on a mat in the center of the floor, his legs folded under himself. Other than the dark eyes following Kirk’s movements, he was a statue.

Jim stepped more into the room and the door swished shut.

“So…uh.” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“Sit.” Spock broke his stiffness to nod at the matt in front of him.

Jim obeyed, sitting cross legged in front of Spock. They were close enough that Jim could feel the heat radiating off of the alien body, and purposely focused on the task at hand instead.

“How do we do this?” Jim asked.

“It is simple. I will meld with you, attempt to find the stray memories, and then I will proceed to create a barrier to shield them behind. They will still be there, but you will not notice.”

Jim swallowed and nodded. “Alright, let’s do this.”

Spock lifted his hand to Jim’s face carefully and Jim shut his eyes. He felt the heat of Spock’s fingertips against his skin.

“My mind to your mind..”

_My thoughts to your thoughts._

Jim was fully expecting to feel violated as Spock rooted through his brain, but no. He could feel it as Spock swiftly observed, a cool touch of his consciousness against Kirk’s every now and then, but it didn’t feel harsh or wrong; the opposite, really; gentle and incredibly, undeniably right.

_Spock?_ Jim thought after a while of just those cool strokes, curious to know how the progress was coming, but more so to feel what it was like to communicate in this method.

_Yes, Jim?_

_How’s it going?_

_It is almost complete._

_Oh._

An unknown amount of time later, Jim felt the first strand of anything from Spock; a slim caress of curiosity. Jim gasped as suddenly one of the memories began to play, as though it was a movie, before Spock and himself.

_Spock wha-_

“Jim. T’hy’la, may I inquire as to what you are doing?” The memory Spock interrupted him. Jim very clearly picked up the horror from his Spock now.

_Your Spock?_   The unmemeory Spock asked.

Jim didn’t have time to reply as the scene in front of them continued.

“Nothing, Spock, I just…do you know what today is?” Kirk’s alternate self asked.

Spock thought about this for a second. “I do not.” He admitted, sitting down next to Kirk, who sat on the floor, back propped up by the side of his bed.

“Tarsus IV was 20 years ago today.”  Hazel eyes looked at Spock.

_Tarsus IV?_ Spock asked, obviously feeling the unpleasant shock from the Jim he shared a meld with.

“Ah. Ashayam, I apologize. I did not realize.” 

“T’hy’la, it is alright.” Jim leaned in and Spock met his kiss easily.

The memory was over and Jim and Spock were left in the empty blackness that is Kirk’s mind.

Spock withdrew from the meld immediately, his hand falling lamely to his side. Jim blinked twice before focusing on Spock completely, who was staring at him for the second time in two days with obvious surprise.

“What did those words mean?”

“You were on Tarsus IV?”

They blinked at each other.

“Words are irrelevant; they are not us.”

“Yes. That also means that what happened to that Kirk didn’t necessarily happened to me.” Spock zoned in on the fact that that wasn’t a ‘no’ easily.

“You did not answer my question.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t answer mine either.”

“That is because it is of no direct relation to us.”

“Yeah, and the question you asked is none of your business!” Kirk stormed, getting to his very much asleep feet. He wobbled for a second before claiming the couch.

Spock stood swiftly, glancing at Jim for only a second before heading to the replicator. “Would you like anything?” He asked pleasantly, as if the whole situation didn’t just happen.

“Coffee would be great.” Jim replied, putting a hand over his eyes and keeping it there until he heard Spock coming closer and sitting on the couch.

“Thanks.” Jim told him, grabbing the coffee with honest gratitude and taking a large, steaming gulp. “Did it work?”

 “I was successful.”

“Good.” Kirk mumbled, allowing his eyes to shut and head to fall back onto the couch with a groan.

“We should probably talk about this.”

“Indeed.”

“Can we not right now?”

“That suggestion is most agreeable.”

Kirk grinned.

***

Jim woke from a good sleep easily, groaning and rolling over.

“Jim?” Was that Spock’s voice?

“Spock.” Jim mumbled, brow creasing in confusion. “Why are you in my room? Am I dreaming?”

“No, Captain.” Was that amusement he heard?

“Nope. This is definitely a dream.” He grinned into the pillow

“You fell asleep in my quarters. Now that you are awake, however, you are able to retire to your own.” Spock reminded, suggested, and then hesitated. “The words: Ashayam means beloved. T’hy’la…it is ancient Vulcan. It means brother, friend, and lover.”

Kirk tossed  in the general direction of Spock’s voice. He searched until he met dark orbs looming over the bed. “I was at Tarsus IV. I…” He glanced away.

“Jim?” He met Spock’s warm chocolate eyes again. “Perhaps we could speak of this later?”

He gave Spock a grateful look and closed his eyes again.

“Jim?”

“Yes?”

“Perhaps you would like to retire to your own bed?” Kirk could practically hear the raising of an elegant brow.

“Nope.” Kirk mumbled, rolling back over and snuggling into a pillow that smelled of Spock.

“Very well.” Jim heard the rustling of fabric and felt the bed dip when Spock claimed the other side.

Jim sighed, content. He went, again, went to rotate his opposite side, hand snaking out under the covers to help the cause, and running into a very fleshy torso. He patted it curiously before withdrawing his hand.

“Hey, Spock?” He asked casually.

“Yes, Jim?”

“Do you sleep naked?”

“I do.”

“Ah. Okay.”

“Does that make you uncomfortable?”

“Nope.”

They were silent for a moment.

“It might be best if you didn’t tell Uhura about this.”

“This, Jim?”

“Well…yeah.  We’re sharing a bed and you’re naked. I think that’s pretty safe Not-To-Tell-Girlfriend material.”

“Perhaps. However, we are not as of currently engaging in sexual activity, so I do not believe she would care.”

“As of currently?” Jim repeated.

“…..”

He turned to face Spock.

“As of currently? As far as I know, we have _never_ had sex.”

“That statement is not untrue.” Spock agreed.

Jim decided he was too tired to even ask, rolled back, promptly twisting himself even more in the sheets and miscalculating the distance to the edge of the bed. The layer he and Spock shared was tangled around both of them so fiercely that when Jim rolled off, he dragged everything with him, including Spock.

Jim landed with a hard thud. Spock, just as startled as Jim at the moment, could not accurately keep his full weight off of the human as he landed roughly on top of his commanding officer.

Jim groaned. “God, what are your bones made out of? Lead?”  Jim looked up at Spock’s face, so close he could feel Spock’s breath on his lips. Come to think of it, he could feel all of Spock’s body heat through the thin layer of sheet and his clothes.

Spock’s very hot, very nude body.  

Jim could not help his reaction to that thought. He began to squirm under Spock, willing his arousal to be squashed. It wasn’t working.

“Spock? You care to get off of me?”

Said Vulcan was looking down at Jim with a slightly mischievous glint playing in his eyes. “No.”  

“Pardon?”

“No, I do not care to get off of you.” In one swift movement Spock had Kirk’s wrist pinned beside his head.

Well. If that’s how he wanted to play, Jim could definitely play.

Kirk lifted his head to one pointed ear. “Then do you care to get off on me?” he mumbled lowly, his tongue carefully caressed one ear from lobe to tip.

Spock shuddered; legit full bodied shuddered. A wicked grin spread across Jim’s face.

“I’ll take that as a ye-” The statement was cut off by a gasp of surprise and a moan as Spock bit him hard on his neck and a hot, wet tongue licked over the mark.

Jim whimpered when Spock slowly began to grind against him, trailing bruising kisses up his neck, jaw, and finally met his lips. He could feel Spock’s desire and need through the heated kiss. Spock lashed out to lick Jim’s lower lip, and Kirk was useless to deny him.

Jim broke the kiss in search of air, panting as Spock smoothly slid his hands up and intertwined their fingers. Spock continued to do something amazing with his hands that sent shocks of electricity through Kirk, who attempted to reciprocate but was finding it extremely hard to concentrate when Spock was still rubbing against him.  

“Spock.” He gasped. “Quit teasing me damnit.”

Amusement tinted with lust was radiating off of Spock and into Jim. He came up from bruising Jim’s skin beside the bite mark to look him in the eye. “Indeed, Doctor.” 

Jim glared immediately at this amused alien. “You’re thinking of Bones right-” he whimpered as Spock finally released his grip and his hands began their trail down Jim’s still clothed body. “now? Really? It’s not like I’m sitting here thinking of-”

Oh. Shit. Uhura.

“Spock. Stop.”

Spock complied, freezing in place, looking down at Jim with blackened eyes.

“Spock, we can’t. Uhura-”

Kirk saw Spock’s features furrow for a minute, could feel the confusion for just and instant, before his eyes widened slightly, and he looked back down at Jim, the horror he was feeling easy to distinguish. Silently, Spock leaned down once again, nuzzled his nose just below Jim’s jaw, and then left him cold as he extracted himself from his commanding officer.

“Jim-Captain-I apologize for my behavior.” Spock stated, bare, muscular back facing Kirk, as Jim untwisted himself from the sheets and stood.

“No, Spock. I am the sorry one. My actions were inappropriate.”

They stood in silence for a couple of awkward seconds. Kirk was making an effort to look at anything other than the naked skin of the man in front of him.

“Jim, I must ask that you leave. I find that I am in dire need of meditation.”

“Of course, Spock.” Jim mumbled, and did as he was asked.

***

_“You did what!?”_

Bones was looking at him with a startling amount of surprise and a sickly pale face.

“I feel bad enough about it, Bones.” Jim groaned and dropped his head in his hands.

“As very damn well you should, you idiot. What the hell were you thinking?”

“Do you really want to know the answer to that?” He mumbled miserably to his palms.

McCoy made a gagging noise and Jim moaned again.

“What do I do?” 

At that exact moment the door to McCoy’s office swung open. Uhura stepped in, the door shut, and Jim saw his life flash before his eyes. He briefly contemplated on hiding behind Bones, who looked just seconds away from making popcorn, but decided against it. He was captain, after all.

Uhura stepped more into the room, eyes never leaving Kirk.

“Captain,” She said, her voice not cold or harsh. “I would like to thank you. Not only did you almost sleep with my boyfriend, you caused him to be in a state of emotional compromise, shut down, and completely block me out.” Kirk flinched. “It has also caused such a rift in our relationship that it is now terminated. Although most of it is because of you, not all of it happens to be, so thank you for allowing me to see that our relationship was not going to work in the first place. That being said, I would like very much to punch you in the face at the moment, but I will continue to restrain that action, if only because you are my senior officer. However,” Now she glared. “If you hurt him, I will severely injure you. Is that clear?”

Jim nodded, believing every word and frankly too intimidated to say anything.

“Good.” She turned and walked calmly out of the room.

McCoy began to laugh hysterically, and Jim turned his wide-eyed look on him.

“What just happened?” He asked, and Bones laughed harder.

Jim left the room feeling somewhat better than he entered it, the Doctor’s sobs of laughter following him out as he left, only slightly muffled by the door closing behind him.

***

Jim looked in his quarters, in the mess, on the bridge (though he didn’t stay for very long, because Bones could get seriously evil with his hypos when disobeyed), and all through the science department. There was no sign of Spock anywhere.

Sighing, Jim walked until he reached his quarters once again. As he grabbed the first PADD on the stack of many, and idea suddenly appeared. If he could reach Spock when he dreamed of his death, who says he won’t be able to do it again? He threw the forgotten PADD back onto the stack, settled himself cross-legged on his bed, and began to concentrate.

He thought of Spock; his eyes, his alien ears, his adorable bowl cut, how his body felt on top of him, but mostly how amazing it was when Spock was in his head. He could see it then, a glowing, pulsing strand that was dashed with green and blue, weaving higher and higher. Curious, Jim mentally nudged it. It wobbled a bit, and Kirk let out a gasp because he could _feel_ it. He pushed it again, this time harder, and was surprised by the sharp spike it sent through him. He grabbed it and pulled as hard as he could, gasping in pain and surprise when it snapped underneath his grasp.

A sharp yell and a heavy thud from his and Spock’s shared bathroom brought him back. Immediately he rushed towards the door, barked in the command override, and was kneeling next to an unconscious Spock. Jim left him for but a second to command medical to come, and was back in the bathroom beside his half-Vulcan. McCoy along with other nurses showed up, rushed a reluctant Jim away from Spock, and then hurried him down to sickbay with Jim tagging along frantically.

“What the hell happened, Jim?” McCoy asked after settling Spock into a private room.

Jim told him the events that led up to the situation they were in now.

“You?!” McCoy sputtered. “Jim, do you know what you’ve done!?”

Kirk looked at him with searching eyes.

“You goddamned idiot! You separated the bond you two had!”

“The…?” Jim’s eyes were wide as he studied his friend. “We weren’t bonded!”

“Apparently you damn well were. You’re lucky the hobgoblin was smart enough to immediately go into a healing trance! What the hell were you thinking?”

The one, simple question James T. Kirk had been asked earlier; the one he didn’t have an answer for. What the hell _was_ he thinking? He didn’t know. When it came to Spock, all rational thought process went out the window.

“Can I see him?” Which was not what he meant to say at all, but it was the one thing he wanted to do at the moment.

Bones sighed. “It won’t do any good. He’s basically in a coma, Jim. M’Benga told me once that sometimes bonded mates can help the other heal faster, but since you two aren’t bonded anymore, I don’t know if it will help.”

“Please?”

McCoy looked at his friend; a searching, intense gaze that he kept up for several minutes before he finally nodded.

“Thanks, Bones.”

When Jim got to the door that enclosed his half-Vulcan, he only paused for a second before opening it and stepping far enough into the room to allow it to close. Spock was lying on the bed, looking very much as if he was asleep.

The room was empty with the exception of Spock, and now, Jim.

Carefully, Jim crawled into the bio-bed next to the healing Vulcan and curled around Spock.

He closed his eyes, and hugged his alien closer.

_I’m so sorry, t’hy’la._

He drifted off to sleep.

When he awoke, strong arms were around him, and soft, fleeting kisses were being plastered to his face. He grinned groggily. A rumble was illuminating from somewhere around him and the being he was sharing a bed with, a rough sound that almost sounded like-

“Are you purring?”

The kisses and rumbling stopped for only a second. “I assure you I am not purring, Jim.”

The purring continued.

Jim finally allowed his lid to open. “How are you feeling?”

“I am well.” Spock answered immediately, staring back at him with such adoration that he almost looked away from embarrassment.

“I’m sorry about..”

Spock kissed him softly on the lips. “Do not concern yourself. The fault is mine. I should have told you of the bond. Fortunately, it was shallow enough not to cause any severe damage to you or myself.”

Jim’s eyes narrowed. “You knew?”

“Yes.” Spock was unashamed.

“How do we get it back?” Jim felt an immediate surge of joy from his half-human.

“Do you wish for it to be reformed?”

There was no hesitation. “Yes.”

Spock flipped him over on the bed, his whole weight on Jim, his eyes darkened, and the purring morphed into a fierce growl.

“Allow me to demonstrate.”

***

The damned fool was going to get himself killed, McCoy thought as he made his way to Jim’s quarters after he managed to skip his physical since being beamed back from an away mission. Sure, maybe the planet was classified as safe for humans, but this was Jim Kirk we are discussing, and Jim does not do ‘safe’.

He made it down the hallway and to the captain’s room, barked in the override code, and had every intention of chewing out his childish superior officer, but the words immediately died.

Spock and Jim were laid out on Jim’s bed, both sleeping. Spock had Jim encircled in his arms, a light, easy purr emitting from him. Jim’s head rested on Spock’s blue-clad shirt, a small unconscious smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

McCoy quietly backed out of the room, a grin playing on his face.

Maybe, just this once, the checkup could wait. 


End file.
